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I know I have been MIA the last week or so…

This post is mostly a vent, but definitely to show that PPA doesn’t just disappear for most. Mine has been relatively controlled since February, however, with everything going on in our lives…. Sometimes it is just HARD…

If you are follow me on Facebook you probably saw my terrible video last week. If not- I’ll fill you in. We are moving in with my grandparents at the end of this month (an adjustment for all and has been quite a bit of work to get the house even ready for us to go there), we are in a rough place financially (thank you medical debt and student loans), our oldest started 1st grade (an adjustment for our whole family, especially her), and our youngest is having health issues. Needless to say, this mama has fallen apart.

Since I am, the honest mama, I wanted to be clear about where my head is at and why I have been a little MIA. Getting through the day is honestly,  a struggle right now. For people on the outside, I seem normal. For those closer to me, they know the walls have fallen down that I built to keep the anxiety at bay. I have had to say NO, to a whole lot more things than I would like to. I have had to choose to pack or even just go to bed, instead of going to the gym. I have had to push-off plans because between work and moving, I need quality time with my husband and our girls.

It’s hard to write this, especially because I know I have a few postpartum mom friends who have followed me and tell me what an inspiration I have been, that there is a light. There IS a light, but I also want to be completely transparent about my journey with PPA. Some days all I can do is remember to be KIND to myself- it is absolutely ok to cry and be upset, but it is not ok to mope in it and give into the anxiety. And most of all I remind myself that this is NOT me. I see the anxiety, I recognize it and I keep going. Even if it means a nap, a snuggle with my hubs, or a game with my girls- instead of the gym, or packing, or cleaning- that is OK because I am still HERE (something that when the anxiety took over, I didn’t want to be).

So please know, I am still HERE, and working on writing- it’s just taking longer than expected. Little goals, little checklists. Keep an eye out for my post Month Number 1- of Weight loss Journey later this week 🙂

XOXO.

L.